Online Dating – a Good Thing?

According to social research, Online Dating has profoundly changed the way people find love and whilst this can lead to a life-long partnership, for some, this type of modern dating can equally be frustrating and disappointing.

So, is online dating a good thing - or not?

Let’s weigh up the evidence here. We live in busy times working hard on our careers and getting home late in the evenings. We may not wish to date work colleagues, which is understandable, or have blind dates arranged for us by friends. That can be embarrassing and not private enough. We’ve already mentioned a lack of time and energy, so trawling the bars and clubs is a non-starter. There may be geographical constraints too. Where does a single mum of two children, start dating again, if she already knows everyone in her remote village, which is out in the country. No wonder people who come for dating therapy often harbour fears that there are no single people left in the world. This fear of scarcity can make people act desperately on a date, which we all know is unattractive.

Since the 90s there has been a surge in dating technology resulting in an extraordinary amount of choice, in dating apps. Whether we want a one-off date for a movie, or the real deal and marriage, this is now at the click of your fingertips, or should I say swipe! Whilst the options seem to be ever growing, at the speed of our technology, scarcity has become a thing of the past, as we live in an age where we can almost ‘order a date’, like an on-line shopper.

But has this now become the very problem it was trying to resolve? This might sound like a paradox, but having too much choice can easily increase anxiety levels, not to mention lowering self-esteem if you don’t receive a message back. Perhaps having dates ‘on-tap’ like this devalue the very nature of meeting people, especially if we know that we can get another ten dates to replace this one. We tend to place a higher value on things that we’ve worked hard to attain. Has this all become too easy.

It doesn’t end there – too much opportunity has created toxic dating behaviours. Known as ‘ghosting’ - suddenly cutting all contact with the person you are dating; or, ‘bread- crumbing’ – sending flirty texts but not committing to meet in person. This may be to keep you on hold in order to play out other options.

You may be thinking this kind of behaviour is not respectful, or mature. But before you dismiss the whole thing, don’t become too disillusioned by the system…… because it works. Research shows that online dating can produce marriage as well as children in abundance. So, if you want to get the benefits of this new courting process you need to be knowledgeable about what are the downsides.

You need to be date savvy and a little thick-skinned. Choose apps wisely, based on the algorithms that select partners based on true compatibility. Ask your friends which ones they prefer and why. Keep a check on how dating on-line is affecting your self–esteem. And finally, don’t stop meeting guys offline. By this I mean, you only have to look up from your phone to see people in real-time as potential suitors. Remember the old-fashioned way worked okay before technology came in.

My advice would be to use dating apps as a way to meet someone, but try and come offline soon. Electronic dating doesn’t reveal body language, energy or chemistry between two people - that only happens after the screen has been removed!