January – The Divorce Month
It’s not quite the happiest way to start a new year, but the month of January typically has a surge in divorce rates. This has been going on for years – so nothing new here.
Whether it’s because couples are trying to have one last Christmas together, for the sake of the children, or whether the New Year pushes them towards a fresh start – ending a relationship may be one of the resolutions on the agenda. If you were the one that was hoping the holiday season would resolve the growing distance, well you may have found your life turned totally upside down, come February.
My advice is don’t be a martyr and try to deal with this alone. It’s too big. And by this I don’t just mean get legal support. Being a former divorce lawyer, I appreciate you need to sort out external matters like property and finances which are important for your peace of mind. But there are two other areas which are crucial for your mental, emotional and physical well-being. Reach out for support from someone who can be there for you. Some people who move out of their home, end up losing their social network and mutual friends. This isolation can lead to despair and hopelessness. Research has shown that having at least one person to talk to makes a huge difference, so find a divorce buddy - it won’t be forever.
Next- is to get a therapist that you connect with. There are tools and techniques within the industry which are tried and tested to move you gently in the right direction. Whether you are newly divorced, or a few years down the line - and still regularly checking your ex’s social media - you can benefit enormously from even a few sessions of therapy.
People going through divorce often report it as being the worst crisis they have ever faced in their life - some even making parallels to the death of a family member. Yet, therapy is thought of as either a luxury for the well-off, or somewhere you go if you are crazy or weak. Therapy is to help people get through difficult life transitions – like divorce. So, no stigma please. And whilst finances may be a sticking point right now, remember that this is the end of one chapter of your life and the beginning of another, bringing with it the emotional turmoil and complexity, that people don’t experience in a life-time. This requires expert guidance, even if that includes an investment in your time and money. Finally, some believe that it is time that does the healing. I would say, it’s not time that heals, but the choices you make now.
Anita Rampal - Relationship Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy & NLP practitioner.